Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize