i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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