Whod you bang
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
