i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
