And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
