Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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