then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
