Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
