I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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