my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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