I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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