I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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