He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
