he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
