Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
