My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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