i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
