I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
