Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
