if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
