using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was born a porn star she said
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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