very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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