i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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