we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
