I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
