Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
