I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
