Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
