sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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