Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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