...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
