I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
