you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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