is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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