I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
