you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
how drunk are you?
Several
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
