and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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