his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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