you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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