woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize