went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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