wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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