I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
