weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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