I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
