Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
third nipple confirmed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
