last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
