I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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