I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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