mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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