I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
