Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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