Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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