I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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