doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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