I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
