After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
