I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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