I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
