john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
